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Going down on women could see your health going up


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Vaginas and yogurt have something in common: Probiotics.

Turns out there are billions of bacteria that live in all our lady gardens; all part of the wonderful world of the vaginal microbiome. This mini community prevents bad bacteria from taking over 'down there', and one special species of bacteria in particular, Lactobacillus, dominates seventy percent of vaginas. Lactobacillus is crucial because it produces lactic acid and keeps lady bits at a heathy pH level.

However, Lactobacillus is not just a resident of the vag; it’s also in the stomach. Stomach bacteria are usually called probiotics and they play a part in pretty much everything from digestion to Alzheimer’s. In light of this significance of probiotics in one’s life, these bacteria have been implanted into foods like yogurt and even items like shaving cream to give us a health boost.

But, if we’re going to go through all the trouble of adding probiotics to all these products, why not get it right from the source? Vaginas technically have loads of lactobacillus just waiting to be consumed.

Unfortunately, it’s not that simple (sorry ladies). Apparently, in order to be a useful probiotic, vaginal fluid has to have enough good bacteria in it to actually have an effect on the body - which has been defined as something along the lines of one billion colony forming units (CFUs) per serving.

Let’s translate that: according to Dr. Helena Mendes-Soares of the Mayo Clinic, there are about 100,000 to 100 million Lactobacillus cells per gram of vaginal fluid. So, if someone was to get any actual benefits, they’d have to swallow between ten grams and 10kg of vaginal fluid. Sounds like a lot, but 10 grams is totally within reach - it just takes persistence...

It should also be mentioned that in order to be effective, the bacteria must reach the lower intestine without being destroyed by stomach acid; but don’t fear, there's a solution for that minor issue as well. A study in 2005 showed that glucose in gastric juices helps to protect Lactobacilli as they travel the GI tract. Yes, lady junk is not the same as gastric juice as far as glucose content, but if someone were to eat some food right before going downtown, those sugars could easily be provided. Plus, Lactobacilli is naturally acid resistant; so it has a fighting chance of traveling from the mouth to the stomach without any glucose at all.

Granted, contamination is a slight setback in this theory. In regards to getting probiotics from the vagina by way of the mouth, Mendes-Soares says: “There would also be a transmission of the other current members of the community; both the beneficial and harmful ones.”  So, while taking in the Lactobacilli, one could also risk ingesting the harmful bacteria and we cannot pretend STI’s don’t exist as well.

In our defense, all of these probiotics we are trying to eat more of are not even guaranteed to be as useful as people think. Infectious disease doctor and podcaster Mark Crislip wrote a blog post in 2009 that pointed out that the species of Lactobacillus and Bifidobacterium found in probiotics are not necessarily the same species that we have in our bodies.

But, logically, if you get your supply of Lactobacillus fresh from the Lady Garden, it’s definitely the same kind of bacteria that is in the human body, right?

So if you want to maintain a healthy diet: eat more pussy.

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