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Water pistol-wielding masked robber in girl's trainers laughed at by kids after attempted heist at Lancashire school

17th April 2014

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Is this the worst attempt at robbery we’ve ever seen? It’s likely...

A masked robber armed with a water pistol and wearing girls trainers fled after being laughed at by children during a robbery attempt at a Lancashire school.

The unidentified person, who “sounded like a girl putting on a man’s voice”, allegedly burst into Fearns Community Sports College in Stacksteads, near Bacup, and demanded money and phones from bemused staff.

The three students witnessing the incident “immediately laughed at the person making the threats”, which we think was probably not the desired outcome, and the validity of the ‘weapon’ was quickly thrown into doubt.

It turned out to be a blue water pistol with “an orange tip.”

Scary stuff.

There is currently no information on whether said water pistol was loaded with a potentially dangerous bit of tap water.

Understandably, pupils were left vaguely surprised by the unexpected turn of events.

A friend of one of the witnesses, whose name hasn’t been given, commented: “Just imagine that, someone coming towards you in a school with what you think to be a gun. My friend is okay now but it was a horrible experience for them, it’s the sort of thing you hear about happening in America, not here.”

Just imagine. Water pistol-based failed robberies are hardly a common occurrence in the hills of sleepy little villages near Bacup. Or, indeed, in America.

Ten police officers (excessive...?) were called to the scene. According to a spokesperson: “A male or possibly female entered the school wearing a black ski mask and carrying what looked like a small black pistol.

“Witnesses described someone in girl’s trainers who sounded like a girl putting on a man’s voice demanding money and mobile phones, before fleeing the school.

“Due to the appearance of the individual, the veracity of the weapon was very quickly put in doubt.

“Pupils in the reception area immediately laughed at the person making threats, and the weapon turned out to be a blue plastic toy gun with an orange tip. Two lines of enquiry were followed on two possible perpetrators, but both were found to have no case to answer.

“The case remains open, so we are appealing for anyone with information to call police.”

Meanwhile the Manchester Evening News, reporting the event, called the would-be robber a ‘yob’ - and local councillor Christine Lamb said that security measures at the school “might well” be looked at again.

(We’d probably suggest that there’s no need...)

Headteacher Nigel Dawson appeared unshaken by the incident, revealing that “school life continued throughout the incident, with very few people aware that it had even happened at the time.”

What a relief. If anyone knows anything about the “robbery”, they’re being encouraged to contact Lancashire police.

Pictured: not actual water pistol.

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