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Mystery shed visits and fathering 'alien children': the best of the local news


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Local news is often a treasure trove of hidden gems and oddities, particularly during the midsummer months when stories tend to dry up. From this gaping black hole often emerge dull and dubious stories of small town outrage. So, we decided to track the dizzying highs of the regional press:

10. Man is left with cuts following lakeside brawl, North Somerset

This intriguing story of violence that shook a small town in North Somerset immediately catches the eye with its gripping detail of how the man ended up with grazes on his face and arms. A police spokesperson describes how "there was an altercation between two men, during which a man received a cut on his cheek."

9. Rabbit hutches destroyed in blaze, Dorset

We enjoyed this captivating tale of two empty hutches catching alight in a fiery inferno in Dorset.

(Pictured: not actual hutch).

8. Reassurance after mystery shed visits, Hemel

"A message of reassurance has been sent out to scores of council house tenants after workmen came unannounced to replace their shed doors."

I’m sure we can all sleep a lot easier knowing that the mystery of the new, longer lasting shed doors has finally been put to rest.

7. Tasty bread just ideal for great sandwiches, Camarthen

This ground breaking discovery in South Wales has rocked our very foundations. The Camarthen Journal offers us a great recipe for bread to enjoy as part of a sandwich on the beach this summer.

6. Silly string attack on boy carrying owl, Morecombe

This curious tale of high intrigue and nocturnal birds left us both baffled and enthralled. The unfortunate 11-year-old was attacked in small town Lancashire by unscrupulous adolescents wielding silly string as they attempted to steal the boy’s pet owl.

5. Man runs off, Bradford

This questionable headline lead onto a story about a man running from his vehicle as police stopped him.

4. Road dug up twice, Weymouth

‘You couldn’t make it up,’ claims local man, clearly still reeling from the shock of Abbotsbury Lane being resurfaced by the council, and then dug up by Wessex Water following a leak. Scintillating stuff from the South Coast.

3. Councillor claims to have fathered alien child, Whitby

Married father-of-three Simon Parkes, who is on the Whitby Town Council, said he had rowed with his wife after revealing he had a child called Zarka with an alien he refers to as the Cat Queen. “My wife found out about it and was very unhappy,” he complains.

2. Russian hat-wearing pigeon, Petrozavodsk

Shockwaves were sent across the globe following this rousing news item about a pigeon strutting through Petrozavodsk, Western Russia whilst sporting a hard-hat.

1. Man aims to lick all cathedrals in UK - and says Ely tastes good, Cambridge

Of all the painfully underwhelming stories dotted across local newspapers, this one tops them all for being both bizarre and totally inconsequential. A local man has travelled across the country as part of a perilous quest to lick all of the UK’s Anglican cathedrals. In a revealing interview, Lawrence Edmonds reveals that Ely Cathedral tastes “sandy and salty”. A riveting exposé from the South East. 

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