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Toaster sex, stuck handcuffs and a horny vacuum cleaner: Weird 999 calls

29th July 2013

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You may think that calling 999 for the fire brigade is a simple idea. See a fire, call the fire brigade and they’ll come put it out. Easy, no?

Apparently not. The London Fire Brigade has found that the number of call-outs involving people stuck or trapped in objects has risen significantly over the last three years, with more than 1,300 incidents in London since 2010.

These “incidents” aren’t as innocent as they might first appear, however. In the last three years, London’s fire crews have had to help:

  • 79 people trapped in handcuffs
  • Nine men with rings stuck on their penises
  • 18 children with their heads stuck in the toilet
  • One man with his manhood stuck in a vacuum cleaner (brings new meaning to a blowjob)
  • One confused soul with his penis trapped in a toaster (ouch)
Dave Brown, London Fire Brigade’s Third Officer, suggested that the unusual cases were all in day’s work for the fire brigade, but that an overactive imagination brought on by reading too much Fifty Shades of Grey could be getting people into trouble:

“Some of the incidents our firefighters are called out to could be prevented with a little common sense. I don’t know whether it’s the Fifty Shades effect, but the number of incidents involving items like handcuffs seems to have gone up.

“I’m sure most people will be Fifty Shades of red by the time our crews arrive to free them,” he added.

Quite. Although the man with his penis trapped in a toaster was probably red in more places than just his face when the fire brigade turned up...

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