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Man partially rips off own penis whilst high on magic mushrooms

27th June 2013

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An unfortunate 41-year-old man has ripped off part of his own penis whilst high on magic mushrooms. 

On Tuesday, the naked man was found screaming in the street by police responding to a burglar alarm at a school in Michigan. Police were startled when they found that the man was bleeding from the waist down, on his knees outside the school.

Then, they found that his genitals were ripped off.

Sergeant Geoff Fox explained that the man, who had smashed a window at the school but taken nothing, was rushed to hospital - along with his disjointed parts.

"He really wasn't saying much at all - a lot of yelling and screaming," said Sergeant Fox. "He wasn't making sense. They couldn't really communicate with him in terms of constructive conversation."

We don't feel that there's much magic involved when yanking your own penis off.

The man, from Columbus, later told detectives he had bought hallucinogenic mushrooms earlier in the day whilst visiting friends near to the school. However blood tests showed that he didn’t have a history of mental problems or extensive drug use, so questions were raised over whether the mushrooms had been contaminated with another drug.

"In terms of vital signs, they were as low as they could go without being dead - I could only assume due to the blood loss and the shock and trauma to the body," explained Sergeant Fox. He also added that the man is now recovering after his ordeal.

Well we wish him a speedy recovery! Remember kids - just say no.

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