Insect Sex and Dirty Norfolk Knickers: The Most Unexpected Search Terms Used to Reach TNS
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If there’s one thing more bizarre than the crap that lurks in the darkest corners of the internet it’s the human beings who spend their time actively searching for it. We at TNS are partial to wasting a lot of our day staring at the real-time Google Analytics page that tells us exactly who is reading the site, where they are, and more importantly than anything, how they got there. In conclusion, there are some freaks in this world and most of them appear to be reading TNS. We decided to put all the time we spend being incredulous at keyword search terms to good use and collect them together for your enjoyment/horror/confusion. Apologies if what you see here leaves you scarred. We advise caution. And wholesome activities for afterwards. Strongest vaginas in the world First up, it’s a new element of the World’s Strongest Woman Contest... or maybe not. We’re not sure why anyone would be testing the strength of their vagina (how would that even work? Weights? Dumbbells?), much less why anyone would be looking for the results on the internet. But they definitely were, and it took them to this delightful TNS Web Dump about sex robots in China. We’re not sure if that’s what they were looking for, but hey ho. Haery smallfucking Again, we’re not 100% sure what this specimen of humanity was looking for when they typed these non-words into their Google search box and instead found TNS’s article on the unfortunately named town of Fucking, Austria. Hairy fucking? Small people fucking? Small hairy people fucking? It’s beginning to sound like some kind of mind-bending Lord of the Rings fanfiction porno. Which leads us alarmingly on to... The hobbit sex slave fanfics TNS’s 10 most inappropriate pieces of erotic fanfiction was a hit last year, probably because it was dripping with erotically-laced sarcasm. There is no hobbit sex slave inclusion, but it does begin with a peak into the bizarre world of Lord of the Rings fans’ fictional sexual preferences - which include having Legolas and Arwen do the nasty in “blatant disregard for human anatomy.” TNS really hopes this was a satisfying replacement for a sex slave version of Samwise Gamgee. Sex pleasure by insects There are some sexual fetishes that, no matter how much TNS likes to think it would be inclusive to all people, we just cannot begin to comprehend. At all. Sexual pleasure... by insects. Like, cockroaches? Or stick insects? Or beetles? Is it bestiality if it’s insects? Probably. You sir, are sick. As are most of the people who involve themselves in the activities listed in our Top 10 Weirdest Sexual Fetishes. We imagine.
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