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Utah man writes shocking confessions in his obituary


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We’re all guilty of over embellishing our CVs just a little, and most of us couldn’t say we’ve never told a white lie once in a while. 

But what if you had the chance to wipe the slate clean before you died so you had a chance at the pearly gates/Nirvana /heaven equivalent/oblivion? 59-year-old Val Patterson from Utah decided to do just that, and came clean before he died by writing his own obituary.

Patterson wrote the cathartic text obituary just a week before he died of throat cancer. He revealed shocking facts such as lying about having a PhD and being guilty of vandalism and theft.

The confession read: “’I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the University of Utah, the girl working there put my receipt into the wrong stack, and two weeks later, a PhD diploma came in the mail.

"I didn't even graduate, I only had about 3 years of college credit. In fact, I never did even learn what the letters "PhD" even stood for.

"For all of the Electronic Engineers I have worked with, I'm sorry, but you have to admit my designs always worked very well, and were well engineered, and I always made you laugh at work."

After that the truths just kept spilling out, with Patterson admitting to stealing a safe from Motor View Drive Inn in 1971 and to vandalising a park ranger’s hot spring.

Concerning his vandalism, he said: "Now to that really mean park ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it.

"I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again."

Mary Jane Patterson, his widow told the TV Station KSL-TV that all the confession in his text obituary was true.

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