Web Dump - Festive Edition – The National Student

This week I have learnt that not stocking-up on deodorant and eating a New York steak sandwich with extra raw onion leads to smelling like a teenage boy. The stinky kind of teenage boy. You know the kind. The ones that always have suspiciously crusty socks. On their feet. I also learnt that chicken and spicy sausage are a good mixture, a tasty mixture. I found out, because the taste enlightened my tongue and tummy. And finally, I found out that the Sears Christmas catalogue circa 1975 is absolutely bloody hilarious.

Want the same pair of pyjamas as your parents? Well grab a set for the entire family! Why have one person looking like an idiot when you can all look like one? This Flickr albumdisplays a whole bunch of awesomely shite photos including godawful bowl haircuts and some disturbed looking children. It was one of the best things I’ve discovered about Christmas...ever.

Although as a child, the best bit about Christmas was the anticipation that this year would finally give me what I really wanted... a puppy. Well, either that or a Furby. I did eventually get a Furby, complete with Furby backpack. Furby and I would stroll around together until Furby ran out of battery.That was the day Furby died. So, I still hankered after a dog and each Christmas would bring a fresh wave of despair, as I still had nothing to cuddle/prod/shout at. Several years down the line and I now have two dogs that jump on my head when I am in bed, eat my dinner when I am not looking, and run around the house with my pants. Dogs can get annoying. Take this video. These puppies may be cute, but have a blatant disregard for their destructive behaviour. Cute, but still little gits.

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You have probably vomited into the nearest bin, having been overrun with ‘cuteness’ from that video. Sugary sweet right? Not as sugary or sweet as mince pies (see what I did there -classic linking). The mince pie in this link here is the worlds most expensive mince pie ever, costing around £3,000. For £3,000 I would want it to be made from the sperm of Christ. Alas though, it is merely made from Holy water and sperm whale secretions. Mmm, tempting.

Mince-pie sperm-whale-gloop aside, something a little more appealing and realistic to do at Christmas is to blow up Christmas ornaments. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do, just throw a bunch of stuff around the room, smashing it against the walls... tearing up tinsel like the bad-ass I am. This artist, has a whole lot of pictures of exploding stuff in the Flickr album entitled, The War on Christmas .

And I leave you with this video that depicts an alternative way of dressing like Santa. Yeah, instead of being a holly jolly fatso in a red suit this year, do it in grey!

Okay so you will look like a raincloud, but hey, darker colours are slimming. And boy will I need slimming after all this turkey I plan on eating (I’m going in head first). Merry Christmas y’all.

Web Dump - Festive Edition

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