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JLS unleashed their own versions of condoms (basically regular Durex with their faces on the box) several months ago. I don’t really know why, as someone staring up at you all gelled hair and smouldery-eyed from a little cardboard box is enough to put a dampner on anyones evening, and therefore good enough birth control itself- condoms aside. But it would seem the range did well, and Aston’s eager little face didn’t put too many people off. So, this paved the way for more weird condom branding. This Tumblr blog, entitled ‘New Condoms’ takes already famous brands and shoves them on the packaging.

Most of them are food or drink based. Fast food and drink based!

So it gives a whole new meaning to the Pringles slogan, ‘Once You Pop You Can’t Stop’’. Well, if you have the mind for that sort of thing I suppose. Which I most certainly do not (cough).

Anyway, good for a giggle, this site includes different brands such as Nike, McDonalds, Monster Energy and KFC.

Joking aside, condoms are one of those things you need, like water or air or something. It’s an essential part of the whole bed shakin’ experience. These days though, it seems like you need to do more personal grooming than ever to get down to it. So you do everything you can to be buffed polished and hairless. But in some cases, not totally hairless.

This hereis for well, pubic stencils. Want to shape your jungle into a tree? A star? A moon? A bull? But it’s too tricky to sculpt with a razor blade? Well, buy one of these and mow away. And it’s not just for women. Guys, saddle up and prepare to lop out your bits over the sink for a good old trim.

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Although it’s not all fun and games. Especially when it comes to being a gay man in a commercial in the 1950’s. Yes, watch this clip and be horrified at just how ignorant people used to be. The advert provides a warning to any suspecting straight male hitching a lift home. You could be getting into the car with a homosexual! So just have your wits about you, you know, just in case. Nevermind that the guy who is picking up random hitchhikers could be an axe murderer or a crazy guy who has turned cannibal after working at a slaughterhouse for too long. No, nevermind all that! This advert is truly shocking, and so ignorant it’s just hilarious at the same time.

Awful prejudice and ignorance aside now, and I bring to you the last and final link of the week which is harrowing as hell, but will hopefully kick start your diet early. It deals with another side of sexy-time. Fetishes. This clip from Jerry Springer deals with this guy who is having an affair with a lady who likes to cover him in pie and cake. The affair started because he licked some cherry pie off her cheeks. I’m assuming (and praying) they meant face cheeks.

So enjoy this video. Especially when about one minute in the woman in question wheels out a table full of cakes and cream and the duo start taking off their shirts and rubbing it on each other.

Mmm a cake fetish and overweight Americans. I am not longer hungry. And never will be again.

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