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10 reasons London isn't all that cool


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Lets get it out there in the open - London's not that great of a place, and I don't like it. Why does everyone get so doe eyed about the place? Why do so many people come for weekends and then fall in love, leave their heart here, find their soul... and all the rest of that sentimental crap? WHERE IS THE ALLURE?!

But then again, before you all get your pitchforks out, let me explain the ten reasons why I strongly dislike London. In no particular order...

1. The London Underground

Even looking at the map makes me feel dizzy. It's getting on at one station, going along three stops, getting off, finding the right line to get to (and that's if you know where you're going), get potentially crushed by other people, get freaked out by signs telling you pickpockets are everywhere, get onto another train and eventually you end up getting from point A to point B via point M. And apparently if it's delayed by four minutes that's a bad thing? Have you experienced the national rail network?

2. House prices are high

The prices of London's housing forever baffles me. You're paying how much now for what now? And you're living on the breadline to keep it up? It's crazy. Personally I'm more than happy to sit in my mansion on a throne made of cash bundles coated in gold.

3. It's so expensive to get and live there

£45.10 to get from Swindon to London Paddington (without a rail card). In comparison to go from Swindon to the Welsh capital of Cardiff is a faction of the price and just the same distance by train. Plus all food/drink/service etc. operate at a higher price compared to the rest of the country. Yes, your wages are a bit higher to compensate, but does it really cover the additional outgoings?

4. Londoners

You guys think London is the best God-damn place in the world and will not hear a single word against it. If I went into a pub and exclaimed London was a pile of poop I'd expect to get a right earful back. If a Londoner came to Swindon and said the same phrase no one would bat an eyelid. Not everyone wishes and dreams of living in Zone 6. This leads me onto my next point...

5. The whole world doesn't revolve around London

Everything HAS to happen in London. Theatre, exhibitions, politics. Yes, there are things going on outside London but they always seem disproportionate compared to the capital. The only time I see politicians outside of London is either for political conferences or because somewhere's been flooded.

6. Boris Johnson

This guy was democratically elected to to run London, twice. Nuff' said.

7. Train stations

This is really one linked just to me, but the local train station to my family is a small, unmanned, affair with two platforms. With my poor knowledge of train stations I assumed a super big station such as Paddington would have three platforms. It was only when I got to London I realised Paddington actually has 12. Cue scream face.

8. First to get new things

Example: according to Wikipedia London was the first place in the United Kingdom to get electricity. Ok, so I struggled to come up with an example, but put it this way - Londoners will be the first to travel around on hover boards.

9. Assumption that all professionals live there

Many of the careers talks I've attended have implied that to get a good job is to move to London. While I agree a lot of companies are located in the captial, it's not always a given that the streets are paved with gold. More jobs/companies should be encouraged to have offices in places such as the North of England or the South West, for example. Having everything in London only drains these areas of young, intellectual, people and makes the economic imbalance in Britain all the more worse. (Just my opinion...)

10. Pollution

I'm told that in London everyone gets used to sirens at 4am but where my family lives hearing a single siren is a big deal and if you screamed there is a good chance no one would hear you. London's air quality meanwhile needs no explaining. I dislike it and feel ill just watching children walk through it, however I'm hopeful steps will be made to address it soon. And in general it's just, well, dirty (sorry, not sorry).

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