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This student made yoghurt from her vagina and then ate it for breakfast with blueberries

12th February 2015

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It’s not what we’d think of as the most appetising of desserts.

Cecilia Westbrook, a student from the University of Wisconsin, has taken experimental, erm, cookery to the next level after constructing a dessert made from her own vagina – and then eating it.

Yes, this happened and yes – what in the name of actual fuck is going on here?

According to the Mirror, the PhD scientist used wooden spoons to collect her samples (!) which she then left overnight before eating the next morning with blueberries – despite being advised by a microbiologist that it probably, just probably, wasn’t a very good idea.

Also, as the U.S. Federal Drug Administration's Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition press office pointed out, "vaginal secretions are not considered 'food'.”

Well, you just don’t say.

Also: extracted with wooden spoons. Wooden spoons. We’re losing our minds whilst considering the splinter potential in this situation.

But wait, it’s all ok because science. According to Ms Westbrook’s (very close, we assume) friend Janet, who was with her throughout this intrepid journey, the vagina’s “dominant bacteria is called lactobacillus, which also happens to be what people sometimes use to culture milk, cheese, and yogurt."

That’s ok then, right? Right.

Westbrook adds that: "In a way, it’s so obvious. Like, of course you can make yogurt out of your natural flora. But who would think to do it?”

WHO indeed?

But maybe we’re all just being judgemental and wrong. Maybe we should actually all be forgoing bio-pots in favour of a more, err, natural product. After all, Cecilia was happy enough with the taste to eat a second bowl.

Let’s just let that sink in for a second. Two bowls of wooden spoon-extracted “she-made” vagina dessert, which allegedly tasted like “Indian yoghurt.” With a side of blueberries.

She goes on: "Of course the feminist in me wants to say something about how there’s a beauty in connecting your body to your food and exploring the power that your vagina has.

"Part of that is kind of a mystical hippie thing, but part of it is also just getting comfortable with your own body, especially in a culture that is so uncomfortable with women’s bodies."

Good point, very well made. We’ll still pass. Whilst never looking at Onken in the same way again. You have RUINED breakfast for us Cecilia, you massive fanny. Argh.

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