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Leeds student has balls stapled together for FIFA dare

13th November 2013

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We can never predict what will happen to bring us amusement/horror/awe/recoiling disgust on any given day here at TNS.

Most of the time, though, the good old students of the United Kingdom provide us with sufficient material.

And today was one such day, because today we heard about Leeds University student Nathan Bells stapling his testicles together as a forfeit after losing an apparently very important game of FIFA... and that it was committed to film.  

Yes, we misread that as Nathan Balls too. Blame it on context.

So, the video begins. Nathan Bells undoes his jeans. Somewhere in the background, what sounds like a collected mass of female wildcats shrieks because it’s so controversial and, oh my god, balls are out!

Then, an alarming admission is made by an off-screen ‘friend’ of said Mr Bells.

“Don’t be a pussy, I had to drink my cum, come on,” he says, clearly. Swiftly followed by: “I’d rather do this than drink my cum.”

One may suggest that it sounded as though this unidentified LAD was actually (more than) a little bit proud of ingesting his own semen. Mentioning it loudly, twice, in front of a collected audience, on a video that is about to be posted to Vimeo would suggest so.

But hey, what do we know? It’s not for us to delve into the minds of those who staple sensitive areas of their anatomy together/drink their own bodily fluids out of fear of being called a pussy.

Back to the video... it’s time for the stapler to come out. It’s purple and plastic. How rebellious! The sauce! Then we get a delightful view of Nathan Bells’ balls, which are rapidly attacked by the purple stapler.


(Leeds students: never borrow a stapler off Nathan Bells. Your lecture notes don’t need to stay in order THAT much.)

On second thoughts, we did kind of want to delve into the psychology behind this event, so we tried to find unexpectedly viral internet sensation Mr Bells on Twitter to get his take on recent events/see if he’s contracted any stapler-based blood diseases yet. Unfortunately, he doesn’t appear to have joined the tweeting world.

Instead we tweeted the one who is responsible for bringing this spectacular moment to the public conscious, Mr Saber Dasilva himself, owner of previously mentioned Vimeo account, who describes himself as “Trap & Bass Enthusiast at Leeds Uni.”











Sadly, he has yet to respond. We hope he does because we have SO MANY questions. Like, was this inspired moment in Leeds undergraduate history produced by you, or are you just the undervalued camera guy? Were you the one who’d rather staple his balls together than drink his own cum (but quite enjoyed shouting about it)? What is that unsavoury thing that you’re doing on Vine with a hairy piece of anatomy two days ago?

So many unresolved issues.

If you can bring yourself to watch, the moment our anti-hero Mr Bells receives a staple in the balls can be viewed below, courtesy of Vimeo and the future Oscar winner (maybe) Saber Dasilva.


(Pictured: Not actual stapler.)

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