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Sleeping its way to the top of the University Sex League 2013, it's...


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Well Roehampton, we’ve done it! Our nice idyllic campus has become a hive for debauched sexual activity.

After a meteoric rise from 99th to 1st place in Studentbean's University Sex League, many Roehampton students have been asking what caused this dramatic leap.

A large amount of it is already being attributed to this year’s freshers. This is a fair argument. If you are looking purely at the stats, you have to accept that something must have changed since last year, and why not blame it all on the freshers. After all, they are paying all that extra money to go to university, so why would they not make the absolute most of it?

But there are alternatives. Maybe it took our second years a bit of time to settle in to their rhythm? Maybe they were lacking confidence in their first year, but over time they have built up a rather demanding sex drive that needed to be answered? Or maybe the leaving third years, so worried about stepping out into the big scary world, buried their heads in the sand, where, in this weak metaphor, the sand is lots and lots of sex.

Maybe it is a university-wide phenomenon; the beautiful campus combining with the cold winter to result in the perfect recipe for promiscuity. Each and every single (sometimes not) person at this university feeling a need to escape the bleak mid-winter, and convincing themselves that their one night stand was special because they met their compatriot beside the lake with the moonlight flickering off the water.

The poll is based on the amount of sexual partners students have had since starting university. Roehampton's average is 6.32, but hot on our heals and making up the rest of the top five were Liverpool Hope (6.06), the Open University (5.91), the University of Dundee (5.55) and Edge Hill (5.53).

Coming last were the poor students of Salford, who have only slept with an average of 1.35 people during their university careers so far. Last years winners, Bangor, failed to live up to their name and slipped to an unimpressive 39th place.

Honestly, I don’t know what could have caused this huge spike in the numbers at Roehampton.

I do know that Roehampton has around 75% female students, which means the remaining 25% have been busy.

I also know that the doctors on campus give out free chlamydia tests - I feel like in wake of this news it is necessary to plug this.

But most of all, I know that I am proud. It’s a strange kind of pride, tinged with guilt, but pride none the less. We have one more accolade to add to our collection. Not only are we the top university for geese in the country. Not only has our campus been voted the most beautiful in the United Kingdom. But we also have a collective and unstoppable libido, resulting in our place on top of the University Sex League. Well done, Roehampton!

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