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Just had a break-up? 5 ways to get over it

21st February 2014

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You know the feeling: you’re seeing someone, everything is great, you’re walking around on a coupled-up cloud and happily planning for this weekend’s date night – and then suddenly they break up with you and you’re left reeling, with a whole load of questions and one hell of a lot of time to fill.

It happens to everyone, and no matter how legitimate the reasons (long distance, too much going on, the fact that you actually weren’t that into them yourself) allegedly are, it’s hard to not feel like crap.

Unfortunately though, you have to try – because you really don’t want to be that person hiding under the duvet, crying and eating Ben and Jerrys, for more than a couple of hours, do you?

No, you do not.

Luckily Munir Bello, author of The Break-Up Recipe, is offering his words advice on how to pick yourself off the floor post relationship fail - no ice cream, wallowing or Facebook stalking required.

Here are his tips...  

1) Do something constructive. Take up a hobby of some sort that you'd always wanted to do but never got round to doing. Your previous relationship or lack of motivation/willpower might have held you back from doing certain things. As someone who has become single, your time is fully yours and should be utilised doing something positive otherwise you could end up spending a lot of money on tissues, chocolate and booze which won't help in the long term.

2) Talk to your friends and family. Make sure that the people you speak with are people who care about you and they are people you really trust. If they can't offer any advice, the fact they can listen to you get it off your chest will lift a burden and allow you to start rebuilding your life.

Do not tell anyone and everyone that comes along because some people will have no interest or they might just be looking for gossip. In some cases if they are people you don't know, you might scare them. I once experienced a complete stranger telling me very gruesome details about her break up (he was insecure about having one testicle, if you must know.) This lady was in the changing room of a shop and I was just recommending clothes for her to try on as I worked there!

3) When your friends and family belittle your ex, don't do the same. The person you have broken up with was someone you really cared about at one stage and it is important that you respect that. Your friends and family will tell you what they disliked about your partner and put them down. They are of course being very supportive and trying to make you feel better.

Be warned however that some people do break up and then get back together, so the last thing you want to do is get back with someone you've insulted with your loved ones as they'll never take the relationship seriously. Another reason not to get into slagging off your ex partner is because if you plan to move on, then do it with dignity and don't waste energy on negative things. The next chapter of your life should start the way you intend it to carry on.

4) Avoid alcohol for the first few weeks. Most people at the end of a relationship are emotionally volatile and vulnerable. A bottle of wine or a bender on the town might sound like a good suggestion after you've broken up. Your mates want you to forget your trouble. From what I have seen, alcohol on a night out, post break up leads to people becoming an emotional wreck and crying in the middle of the club due to stress, especially if it's a new break up.

Another thing that can happen as a result of booze/club in early break up phase is people copping off with someone else to get over the previous relationship. Never a good idea (you could hurt someone’s feelings, you could end up feeling bad about yourself, you could end up with an STD or pregnancy). I'll reiterate again, avoid booze in first few weeks of a break up. The possibilities are endless when it comes to the negatives.

5) Do something good for someone. It could be anybody. A friend, family member, work colleague or stranger. You'll be feeling low if you have been through a break up and you might even be doubting yourself worth. Doing something for someone who is genuinely grateful will remind you that you are a good person who is worth something to someone. Someone you work with might have always mentioned that they'd love to have 30 mins for themselves when they get home but they always have to walk their dog. Offer to do that for them even if it's just for one evening and the good feeling you get from giving will remind you that there are other people out there. It avoids you trapping yourself in a bubble and only thinking about yourself.

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