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I abused my wife - but I won't go to jail, because sport


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It's been on the news once or twice over the last few days: a man (whose name I cannot remember, spell or pronounce) was spared a jail sentence because he claimed that it would ruin his chances of playing professional cricket. His crime, incidentally, was beating his wife with a cricket bat and forcing her to drink bleach.

He's now gone to jail because, as the BBC reporter put it (with consummate deadpan dispassion), 'it turns out he lied.'

Now, I'm sorry if I sound like a simpleton, but what the actual fuck? What sane justice system would commute a sentence for the sake of sport?

"Yeah, I know I killed and deep-fried a baby, but if you send me to prison I won't be able to play for Aston Villa!"

"You're absolutely right. No jail for you. Just don't do it again."

He forced his wife to drink bleach. Is that not SLIGHTLY worse than not being able to play professional cricket?

The judge also claimed that the fact that the victim was a graduate, with a good set of friends, made the crime less serious.

Now, it's been a long time since I did GCSE science. But I'm fairly sure that having friends does not off-set the negative effects of drinking Mr. Muscle. I mean, I'm pretty damn sure that it doesn't.

If I was raped by Barry Scott, or if you were raped by Barry Scott, would you think it right or sane or just that he escaped sentence on the grounds that it would harm his career in Twattery? Bang! And the crime is gone!

No, I don't think so.

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