Everything That Sucks About: The SNP
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Welcome to Everything That Sucks About, the series that takes each political party and points out all the biggest the problems, idiots and gaffes associated with them. We’ll do each party, so don’t get upset if we rip the piss out of the one you like. Just take some deep breaths and we’ll be mocking someone you hate before you know it. This time we're doing: The SNP These guys matter. According to who you believe they’re either going to save the UK or destroy it. They’re either the best thing since sliced bread or the worst thing since cubed spam. They’re either the second coming or Beverly Hill Chihuahuas 2. But they matter. So, should we be readying the party poppers or prepping for the apocalypse? Or both, if you’re one of the 90% of people that secretly kinda want a zombie apocalypse to happen? Well, let’s take a look at: The Leader Nicola Sturgeon. “The most dangerous woman in Britain”. Supposedly. I mean, not really. Probably any murderer is more dangerous. Or like, a crazy person. You can probably get on the bus with her is my point. Yet so many people are trying to turn her into Britain’s biggest threat. Some have even looked through her past and discovered that *gasp* she once cut the hair off her sister’s doll. Here’s a hint guys, unless she hacked the hair off her sister it’s not a scandal. My action men were too busy not having arms or legs to worry about their shlid. And turning her into a bogeyman is silly because her appearance is so not threatening. If a Who left Whoville, fucked an unconvincing 1950s perm and raised the child in front of a rolling DVD of Braveheart, that child would be our Nicky S. Amongst those who aren’t trying to portray her as the love child of Hitler and a pint of Irn-Bru, Sturgeon is this election’s sweetheart. But to be fair, Nick Clegg was last election’s sweetheart. And we all remember how that went, don’t we? Super Alex Salmond Bonus Round
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