Why your Mum shouldn't be your best friend

This week Terri and Ruth Davies appeared on This Morning to discuss their unusual mother-daughter relationship. Mother Ruth regularly goes out with her daughter. By going out, she does not mean shopping, visiting a spa or watching the latest chick flick, she means taking her 17-year-old partying at the latest clubs.

Ms Davies argues that her approach is simply a preventative measure and says:

“Teri started drinking behind my back when she was 14 so I decided to take over and take responsibility for my daughter.”

However, there is a part of me that suspects that she is joining a growing clan of mothers befriending their daughters as part of a plan to cling on desperately to their youth.

BBC 3’s Hotter Than My Daughter, which last aired in 2010, played on this unnatural ambition by providing a platform on which mutton could parade about as lamb.

The daughters – who were mostly mortified by their mothers’ skimpy clothing and arrogant attitudes – struggled to be confident due the overbearing shadow of their mums. It seems to me very sad that a mum can be so desperate to achieve her own ambitions that she fails to notice when she hinders the success of her children.

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In June another BBC documentary Model Mum, Baby & Me allowed the audience to witness the life of a daughter of a cosmetic surgery addict. It was discovered that glamour model Alicia Douvall made her 16-year-old daughter miss her mock A-Level exam so that she could babysit for her in Boston while she had further plastic surgery. Ms Douvall’s pursuit for youth and good looks has made her prioritise going under the knife above all else.

So just what has caused this wave of selfish yummy mummies? In a discussion for magazine Psychology Today, the authors of Too Close for Comfort: Questioning the Intimacy of Today’s Mother-Daughter Relationship said of the phenomenon:

“This generation of mothers and adult daughters has a lot in common which increases the likelihood of shared companionship. Today contemporary mothers and daughters also share the experience of the workforce, technology and lack of a generation gap, which may bring them even closer together.”

They added: “Because the essential ingredient for friendship is equality and there is always an imbalance when one person in the twosome is the parent of the other, mothers and daughters naturally can't be best friends.”

While I have always been very close to my Mum and have enjoyed the fact that she is only twenty years older than me, I would not describe her as a best friend. In fact, every time I have ever called her by that name, she has been quick to correct me – pointing out that she is my Mum first and foremost.

This does not mean there is any animosity between us; it does not mean that we don’t go on girly shopping days and do each other’s hair. It simply means that we recognise that the mother-daughter bond surpasses that of friendship. After all, you can only share it with one person.

Mothers partying with their daughters are not an issue. Neither are mothers who want to wear miniskirts past the age of thirty. However, what these trends signify is that mums are failing to recognise their true worth.

Mums should be made to feel that their very existence is admirable, that taking care of their children is both worthwhile and appreciated.

Perhaps if motherhood was recognised for the achievement that it is, these criticised mums would be content to step back, stop craving the limelight and give their daughters the love and guidance necessary for them to make it on their own.

Why your Mum shouldn't be your best friend

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