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33 thoughts you will definitely have at your first ever office Christmas party

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As a student, trying to learn the etiquette of a work Christmas do and making it through the evening without embarrassing yourself can make you stand out like Rudolf's nose.

A new addition tries to earn the group's trust and live as one within the pack, and attempt to understand and replicate the animalistic qualities that the pack members can take on whilst under the influence. Hygena cackles and Whale calls can seem like a different language to a mere cub. 

Here are some thoughts that crossed my mind as my undercover mission took place.

In the lead up...

1. £6 for a night out? Sounds like freshers, I'm there! 

2. Oh wait... nobody wants to go... okay now I'm dreading it.

3. What on earth do I wear?! Do I go for the, I'm-too-cool-to-worry-about-this-kind-of-thing-so-I'm-going-to-wear-my-office-clothes-and-look-like-the-biggest-Scrooge-on-the-planet, or raise the bar and whack on a Christmas jumper?

4. Okay that's appropriate for a Christmas party but not for work, so that won't do.

5. What if my boss sees it and disapproves? Then I'll have a disciplinary on Monday for dressing like a fresher.

6. Okay, let's stick with the I-work-in-an-office-but-I-have-to-be-festive-so-I've-included-some-bright-colours.

7. Perfect. I'm going to wow them all with my grandma-office-chic.

 

On the evening...

8. Okay so time for pre-drinks in the office, which everyone is moaning about. 

9. Free wine at my desk? Best day at work EVER. 

10. Time to mingle amongst these groups of people that are all huddling on one side of the room. 

11. They move in packs of working teams - HR, resources, operations. To break away from the pack is to be exposed and persecuted for it for the rest of your career. 

12. Oh god my only experience of mingling is the chocolates. RIP Mingles. 

13. I am definitely the youngest one here. 

14. Small talk. Does anybody enjoy small talk? Is it acceptable to talk about work things? I'm aware that it's incredibly dull but IT'S ALL I HAVE. 

15. Oh hello person I've said hello to in the kitchen several times. I know which floor you sit on and which tube line you particularly dislike, but I have no idea what your name is or what you do. Small talk is a strange thing. 

16. Appropriate small talk topics: Christmas, bug bears about the office, TfL. Anything else is forbidden on pain of embarrassment.

17. These people have absolutely no reservations when it comes to free food, they're like vultures! Maybe a student can fit in here.

18. 9pm. Somebody from Finance is now dancing provocatively and alone. Such a fresher.

19. I have not paid for one drink yet. This is AWESOME.  

20. Now for a game of Spot Who's Going To Be Sacked Tomorrow. She's definitely at risk. 

21. He's at least in the doghouse. 

22. Ah but how many free glasses of wine is it acceptable to have? I'm thinking three, but best to avoid the boss in the morning. 

23. Maybe four, it's Christmas!

24. Well that kareoke singing to no music or lyrics is a sure fire way to a promotion. 

25. 10pm. Pretty much everyone has left, either to start that long commute or at an attempt to recover their dignity before their 'big day' of meetings tomorrow. 

The morning after...

26. Lovely to be greeted by a chorus of groans as I enter the office. 

27. All I can see is a sea of coffee cups, eye-bags and somewhat casual outfits and, lets say, 'shabby-chic' hairstyles. 

28. A chorus of "great night!"s all round, however with mildly less enthusiasm than was displayed the night before. 

29. That's funny, I don't remember those zombies roaming the halls before. 

30. Where's Mark? Oh yes, the unspoken rule that Mark will not return to the office until he has beaten his hangover, no questions asked. 

31. Wait Sue got fired?! I CANNOT belive it, I would have thought that dancing could only have been seen as a positive addition to her CV. 

32. Ah there's Mark, crawling in looking sheepish at 1pm, with exciting tales of where the night took him after we all left at the embarrassingly early hour of 10pm. 

33. You look how I feel, Mark. 

 




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