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The emotional and surreal process of handing in your dissertation, in 40 stages

28th April 2014
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You’re SO nearly there. We hope you’re ready to feel all the world’s feelings.

1. I’ve been proof reading for five and a half hours. Just. Can’t. Anymore.

2. Better had, though. Just one more time...

3. Almost done. Almost. (Why are people in the library being so loud? Breathe.)

4. Ok, we’re done here. I’m HITTING PRINT.

5. IT’S PRINTING. IT’S PRINTING!

6. I can see mistakes as the pages emerge. Oh, shit.

7. I actually don’t care. I’m so demoralised; I physically can’t look at these words anymore. Never mind.

8. It feels so warm. Let us just look on its beauty for a second... oh right, yes. Sorry. I’ll get out of the way of the printer.

9. Shit, I hope all my pages are here. I’ll just count.

10. I’ve counted seven times. They’re all here, and in order too. Phew.

11. Or, are they? I’d better get someone else to check...

12. Ok, next step. I’m leaving the library and I’ll never have to step in here to work on my dissertation again. Ever! Because I’ve finished it!

13. Do I dare get it bound before proof-reading it for one final time? What if there are mistakes?

14. Oh right, yeah – there definitely were, and I didn’t care.

15. Where the heckers am I supposed to go to get this thing bound?

16. I never knew this place existed - yet somehow, I’ve walked past it every day for three years. It’s so secretive, and so full of paper. I feel like I’m in Hogwarts.

17. Hey, tiny old bindery man – BE CAREFUL WITH MY LIFE’S WORK. (He’s so old. His face looks like the paper he so lovingly binds. Has he been here since the dawn of time, or at least since the inception of the university?)

18. Shit, £14.99 to bind it? Is it worth it?

19. I’m annoyed and definitely wish I didn’t have to pay for binding.

20. I’m walking to the submission box within the darkest depths of my department, holding my freshly bound pages closely, like a child.

21. What if someone steals it to pass off as their own, or I drop it in a puddle? I can’t deal with this level of stress...

22. This is the right box, isn’t it? What if it isn’t – WHAT IF IT GETS LOST?

23. Better take a picture of the front cover before it leaves me forever, for Facebook. My title is great, so I expect no less than 30 likes.

24. Ok, it’s the moment. I’m ready; I’m dropping it in the box. Bye, dissertation. * drop *

25. GULP.

26. Did that really happen?

27. Did it go in?

28. Are you sure?

29. Phew. Ok – the next stage of my life can now start.

30. I’m walking home and I just feel LIGHTER THAN AIR. Nothing can bring me down now, because I’ve handed in my dissertation! Arghh!!

31. Now – CIDER.

32. Genuinely, my feet are so light. But what if I dreamt handing it in?

33. I didn’t dream it – did I?

34. Shit, I might have dreamt it. Did you see me submit it? Did you?

35. Ok, good. SAMBUCA.

36. I’M SO HAPPY!!!

37. OH. Ouch. I feel sick.

38. But it’s ok because my dissertation is in! I’ve submitted it and it’s out of my life forever! I can relax!

39. (Did I dream it though?)

40. What’s that – exams start in two weeks? SHIT.




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