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Kim and Kanye join stupid celebrity baby name club

21st June 2013

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When TNS saw that the words North West were trending this morning our first thought was that some kind of incident was kicking off in Manchester.

But then, as if to blatantly reinforce the fact that celebrity brains just work differently to ours, we discovered the (utterly ridiculous) truth.

Yes, well done Kim ‘n Kanye. In naming your child after a random geographical location you have excelled yourselves in the creativity (?) stakes.

To celebrate the naming of a child after an overly specific compass point, we decided to remind ourselves of all the other stupid things that celebrities have named their offspring.

Sorry, kids.

1. Pilot Inspektor (My Name is Earl’s Jason Lee)

Imagine being called Pilot Inspektor. Let that sink in. Not only can your parents not spell, they’ve also cruelly given you a name that isn’t even a real job title. Ticket Inspektor we could understand. Chief Inspektor has a nice ring to it. Even Toilet Inspektor makes more sense. But no, you’re stuck with Pilot Inspektor. Good Lord, what was Jason Lee thinking?

2. Moon Unit (Frank Zappa)

Moon Unit Zappa is the daughter of legendary experimental musician Frank Zappa. According to the Urban Dictionary, a Moon Unit is a person who ‘resembles those who have landed on the moon – strong, powerful and talented individuals’. Or, alternatively, ‘a girl’s ass, preferably a big one”. You decide which you prefer. 

3. Sunday Rose (Nicole Kidman)

Sunday Rose may seem like a pretty normal name compared to the above. However, all TNS could think of when hearing the name of Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban’s daughter, was meat, two veg and a hot liquid sauce. No, not that you perverts, but a lovely, wholesome Sunday Roast

4. Sparrow James Midnight (Nicole Richie)

Why ruin a perfectly crazy name by inserting the rather prosaic James into the middle of it? Sparrow Midnight sounds like a particularly elfin girl group. Chuck the name James in there and it sounds like three words stuck together on a fridge by a toddler.

5. Satchel Farrow (Mia Farrow and Woody Allen)

Satchel. No wonder he opted to use his middle name of Ronan. Sadly not related to either Blanket (Michael Jackson) or Ocean (Forest Whitaker).

6. Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson)

I’m stealing this one.

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