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Global porn habits revealed - so, what DO they Google in the Vatican?


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Have you ever wondered, whilst idly abusing the high-speed internet in your halls, how your 'happy time' habits compare with Vatican City? Well sit back and relax, because some clever dick has gone and found out for you.

Renowned porn-peddlers (don’t pretend you haven’t heard of them) have investigated the porn-watching habits of ten cities from around the globe, down to favourite categories and busiest day of the week. As in porn, so in surveys; Britain is woefully under represented, with four American cities, Tibet, a city each from Pakistan and Saudi Arabia, Reykjavik in Iceland, those cheeky chaps in Amsterdam and the Holy Grail of Vatican City. We’ve sat through the metaphorical baby-sitter spiel to bring you the best bits, ranging from hilarious to mildly disturbing.

Categories: For those amongst us who know exactly what they’re after. ‘Teen’ wins here hands down, coming on top in four cities, proving that you’re only as young as you feel. Or think. Or something. Vatican City defies all expectations, with 'Lesbian' and 'Mature' being its two most used categories. Who knew?

Female Celebs: It’s a predictably enormous victory for Kim “I’mma let him finish” Kardashian, with eight of the 10 cities searching for her more than anyone else. Meanwhile, those in Abbottabad, Pakistan, have a taste for X-factor star Tulisa. Elsewhere, the charts in America are dominated by people performing hand to gland combat to Disney stars and, apparently, Octomom. You can’t make this stuff up.

Male Celebs: In potentially the most upsetting thing to have ever happened to the world ever, the Disney Devastator himself, Justin Bieber, is the most searched for celeb in Reykjavik, Iceland. Baby. Baby. Baby. Oh.

Busiest Day: Apparently, the majority of cities decide to start their week with a bang, with six out of the ten choosing to make the bald man cry on a Monday. Those in Vatican City, on the other hand, prefer to relax after a long hard week of forgiving sins by committing one of their own on a Friday.

Time on Site: The average seems to be around eight minutes. The people of Tibet prefer to engage in an almost tantric session averaging 14:02, whereas those in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, are in and out in a flash, closing their browsers after 4:13, presumably so that no-one chops their hand off.

And there we have it, the porn-watching habits from around the globe! How do you compare?        

Actually, there’s no need to tell us. Really.

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