Jurassic World review - the dumbest movie ever made
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Verdict: Jurassic World’s idiot brother. Everyone who watches Fallen Kingdom will lose a brain cell for every stupid thing that happens in Fallen Kingdom, which is everything that happens. There is a scene in the awful Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom where a series of dinosaurs are wheeled out to a crowd and auctioned off, sold to those willing to be swayed by the promise of something spectacular without understanding the consequences. I’ll be damned if that weren’t a potent enough metaphor for Fallen Kingdom itself, a studio movie that epitomises why studio movies are a bad idea. Forget Colin Trevorrow, who has been relegated to script duties here – Universal’s meat puppet has had an upgrade. Meet director J.A. Bayona, famed for his work on The Orphanage and The Impossible, who has been entrusted with the sequel nobody needed to the reboot nobody wanted. In said sequel, Bryce “Least Interesting Actress In Hollywood” Dallas Howard has to head back to “Don’t Go Back To The Island” Island to save some dinosaurs who might become extinct from a volcano. Already, the meat-headed empathy narrative attempting to convince us that dinosaurs might actually be worth saving (they aren’t – we would die) fails to work on any audience member with half a brain. Arrogant humans hungry for knowledge they don’t deserve worked as antagonists the first time. A fifth go-around on the same carousel renders such an idea stale.
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