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Top 10 worst Christmas films

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Don’t get me wrong, I love curling up on the sofa with a box of Miniature Heroes and watching Elf and Home Alone, maybe even welling up a little bit at The Snowman. But while classic Christmas movies are one of the staple features of holiday enjoyment, there are some that are so bad that even the Christmas spirit of Santa himself would waiver upon watching.

Take a look (except don’t. These things should never have been seen by human eyes) at our list of the top ten worst Christmas movies: 

 1.      Jingle All the Way: Oh Arnie, you really should have stuck to the Terminator movies. Probably on a par with Kindergarten Cop, this is one of those films that are so cheesy that, actually, you kind of love it. That said, it doesn’t stop it from being one of the worst Christmas films of all time, in which Arnold Schwarzenegger endures a series of ‘comedy’ mishaps to get hold of the hottest toy in town for his son. Apparently there’s a message in there somewhere about the commercialisation of Christmas but, with the gags falling flat, there’s little to keep your attention long enough for it to be hammered home. Let’s just be thankful there was no sequel...

2.      Home Alone 3: …Pity the same can’t be said for the Home Alone series. The DVD cover might boast that this is ‘better than the first two!’ but don’t believe a word of it! Once Macaulay Culkin was out of the picture, this concept should have been left as alone as Kevin McCallister was on Christmas Eve. This third instalment focuses on young Alex Pruitt, who fights off a gang of industrial spies desperate to get their hands on his remote control car, containing a computer chip actually intended for a North Korean terrorist group.

3.      Home Alone 4: Yes, as if a third one wasn’t bad enough, they only went and made a fourth Home Alone movie! And, to add to the travesty, the filmmakers have attempted to bring back the character of Kevin McCallister, but not played by Macauley Culkin! The film sees this new incarnation of Kevin reluctantly spending Christmas with his father and his new girlfriend as his parents have split up at some point since 1992. Cue the standard criminal-catching shenanigans that ten years ago were ingenious but, by this point, are just getting old.

4.      Jack Frost: Some people consider this one of the most iconic Christmas films but, seriously, who wants to watch these depressing films at what should be the happiest time of the year? Jack Frost tells the story of a father who, on the road often due to his career as a blues rocker, doesn’t get to spend as much time with his son as he would like. After deciding to go home for Christmas rather than go to a big audition, Jack dies in a car crash, and comes back to life as a snowman. Considering that none of this can end well once the weather heats up, it’s not my idea of a heart-warmingly festive tale.

5.      Fred Claus: Yet another Vince Vaughan clanger; Vaughan stars as Santa’s bitter older brother, who is forced to move to the North Pole and help out his saintly sibling in exchange for a loan to open a betting shop. While up at his little brother’s crib, Fred goes on a journey of self-discovery and realisation and, after a couple of standard Christmas family tiffs, ends up figuring out what is truly important in life. But all without living up to its promises of being a Christmas comedy, which sort of defeats the point.

6.      Christmas with the Kranks: Tim Allen and Jamie Lee Curtis pack their daughter off with the Peace Corps for the holidays and decide to forego Christmas altogether, much to the dismay of their neighbours. While the lack of any real comedy could be easily lamented, the real problem in this film is simply the terrible plot. A daughter coming home for Christmas, newly engaged after two weeks with the Peace Corps, and grown men and women getting snarky about the fact that that the neighbours get all huffy about the fact that the Kranks have refused to put up any decorations. But, like almost every Christmas movie, all’s well that ends well, even if you do have a dull and nonsensical storyline.

7.      Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Not one of the best offerings of the 1960’s, this film sees good old Saint Nick kidnapped by martians.  As the children of Mars are obsessed with Earth television shows and Santa Claus, the martians decide to kidnap Santa so that their kids can have Christmas presents too.  In spite of it’s terrible plot, of which the title should be indication enough, this has become something of a cult Christmas classic!

8.      Just Friends: Ryan Reynolds in a fat suit. Surely that’s reason enough for this film to be on the list? No? Follow it up with Anna Faris playing a crazy pop star, high-school flashbacks, a handful of not-so-funny slapstick ‘comedy’ moments and a bog-standard rom-com plot with a sprinkling of snow and you have, well, perhaps not the worst Christmas film ever, but still so very far from the best.

9.      Santa With Muscles: Perhaps one of Hulk Hogan’s finer acting attempts, but definitely one of the most terrible Christmas films in existence. Hogan plays evil millionaire Blake Thorne who, after bumping his head while sliding down a garbage chute disguised as Santa during a police chase, develops amnesia and wakes up believing he is Santa Claus. Following this Scrooge-esque change of character, it is now up to Blake to save a bunch of orphaned children from an evil scientist, keen on destroying the orphanage to get to the magical crystals underneath it. I’m not even joking.

10.  Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny: In this magical fantasy film from the 1970s, Santa’s sleigh unfortunately gets stuck in Florida. After calling various children to his aid, everyone despairs as it looks as though nothing will set the sleigh free. So Santa tries to cheer everyone up by telling them the story of Thumbelina (because that is definitely the most obvious of Christmas tales), before the Bunny comes along in a fire engine and saves the day. Yes, I just gave away pretty much the whole plot.  I’m not sorry; I just saved you a good 96 minutes of your lives which I, unfortunately, will never get back.




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