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7 weird 'practical' fashion solutions


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Style over substance is a phrase often used when it comes to fashion trends, and it is not altogether unfair to think that the industry puts prettiness above practicality as a priority.  Why don’t we put comfort first, you may ask? Why can’t garments SOLVE problems, rather than causing things like bunions or unsightly red seam lines? Well, read on, and you might just answer your own question…

1. Ostrich Pillow: Basically, a pillow that is also a hat.  Described on its site as ‘a micro environment in which to take a warm and comfortable power nap at ease’, is there any better solution for when you just need to rest your head on a long train journey? Probably. Even a discarded, used McDonald’s napkin is probably better.

Despite Ostrich’s tempting ‘soothing cave-like interior shelters’ it  would take a brave individual to wear this sizeable design out in public.  However, for those that like the idea of the Ostrich Pillow but don’t consider themselves to be said brave individual, there is also the ‘stylish, portable, practical and adjustable’ Ostrich Pillow Light – like the Ostrich Pillow, but in a super trendy cushioned headband/eye mask hybrid form.













2. Funkybod: Women have padded bras, padded pants, magical Bridget Jones-esque sucky-in pants, but what do men have? The answer – Funkybod. The ‘muscle-enhancing top’ is a padded long-sleeved top to be worn under your usual t-shirt (preferably tight-fitting, if you really want to show off the effects of your brand new Funkybod).  It is designed to ‘accentuate the pectorals, shoulders, biceps, and triceps’ and, luckily for you, is available in black, white and grey, so you don’t have to worry about it being the wrong shade for your skin tone.

Please note, customer feedback indicates that ‘the best colour to wear under a white or thin shirt is the grey.  The white can tend to be a bit bright in comparison to the effect when no undershirt is worn.’












3. The Walking-Shelter: Designed as a conceptual prototype by Australian design collective Sibling, the Walking-Shelter is ‘a human shelter stored within a pair of sneakers.’  Pretty self-explanatory.

The tent shelter is stored compactly in integrated net pockets within the shoe and, when it needs to be used, expands ‘to form an enclosure that relies on the human frame as a supporting structure’ – although, by having to use your head, hands and legs as supports in place of poles, these extremities are unlikely to be kept dry.  It’s a nice idea but, ultimately, you might as well just sit down, throw a waterproof jacket over your head, and hope for the best.










4. FlaskTie: Apparently a ‘fashion statement of thirst quenching proportions’ the FlaskTie finally offers a solution to that age-old problem of drinking on the go (because bottled water is SO last year). The fashion equivalent of DVD’s disguised as books, what appears to be a boring old work tie is, in fact, a deceptive drinking device of James Bond-ian proportions!

The FlaskTie’s hidden ‘TieBladder’ can hold six fluid ounces of your beverage of choice, and is self-sealing after each drink you take so that you don’t need to worry about potentially embarrassing stains. ‘The TieBite’ valve mouthpiece also enables hands-free drinking, so you can carry on typing, or playing Robot Unicorn Attack, or whatever else you may wish to do with your hands, unencumbered by a pesky glass of water .

Available in blue and white, navy and white, red and black, blue and orange, or cardinal and gold, you can make FlaskTie ‘your choice for both fashion and hydration’ whatever your outfit!

















5. Hairy stockings: Plugged as ‘super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings’ (most inappropriately contradictory description ever?), these are in essence a pair of footless tights covered in hair, giving the illusion of a spectacularly hairy pair of pins.  Apparently intended to ward off sexual predators, an image of this item (possibly real, possibly fake) has been doing the rounds on social media for a few months now.  If you are interested in purchasing this summer essential for 2014, I’m afraid I can’t help you there.  Why not make like Blue Peter and try creating a pair yourself?
















6. Weight watch belt: Either highly motivating, or severely depressing, the weight watch belt measures your waist every time you put it on, therefore letting you know if you have put on or lost any weight.  Yes, apparently those inside labels with washing instructions and waist measurements just aren’t enough anymore; no, you need to shout your dimensions from your belt buckle and beyond! Get one for yourself here for the cost equivalent of five multipacks of Greggs pasties (come on now, which is the better option?)









7. Beard hat: Female? Or just follically challenged in the facial area? Well fear not, you too can join in the spirit of Movember with Beard Head!  Available since 2007, after being conceived during a 2006 ski trip in Lake Tahoe, the knitted Beard Head hats ‘combine the comfort and warmth of a traditional knit cap with the amazing styling of having a massive beard and moustache growing on your face’.

To be fair, this is actually a fairly practical novelty item for winter sports fans or beard enthusiasts, available in an inexplicably huge range of styles – including a Ducky Dynasty collection, Viking helmet styles and Baby Beard Headz – and you can buy jazzy moustache add-ons that would surpass even Ron Burgundy’s efforts – and we all know what a big deal that guy is. Or you could get a balaclava.













And the one that IS actually useful:  Bracelets that charge your iPhone! And pretty much any other device that connects with a USB. Ebay and the Council of Fashion Designers of America (CFDA) enlisted five American designers including Rachel Zoe, Mara Hoffman, Michael Bastian and Shipley & Halmos, to create a range of bracelets that double up as handy little USB smart phone chargers.

The USB connectors are at each end of the wraparound bracelets, and also come with Apple adaptors to make them compatible with iPhones and the like! Let’s face it, this is pretty much life-changing – snap one up for $25 from 11th November!










Photo credit: roundedbygravity / / CC BY-SA

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