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31 ridiculous search terms that people used to reach The National Student this year

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Come and join us on a journey back over the last 12 months, during which we humbly helped out everyone from the internet user searching for the mysterious “marshmallow lady” to the curious questioner who asked one of the universe’s most unanswerable questions: just how do they put tags on legless criminals?

Her nipples are pointing out

...as opposed to all the other nipples of the world that point, erm... inwards?

Led to: #FreeTheNipple: An Evolution

Creepy horse barbies

Like, Barbie centaurs? Or something with a more Human Centipede level of darkness?

Led to: The 10 scariest children's toys... ever

Can your university chuck you off your course for misconduct

Erm, the fact that you are questioning this, errant human, suggests that you already know the answer.

Led to: Facing internal university procedures? Don't panic - read this

Celebrate the toilets

Well, why wouldn’t you? They’re essential to life and basic biological processes, after all. Goodness knows where we’d be without them.

Led to: A singing toilet to celebrate World Toilet Day? Well, why not...

How do they put tags on legless crimminals?

But how do they?!

Led to: Legless criminal misses curfew

Leonardo DiCaprio disgusting

Well that’s fairy impolite, isn’t it?

Led to: Leonardo DiCaprio says filming with naked women in The Wolf of Wall Street was 'disgusting'

Shag hunt

Indeed.

Led to: Shag at Uni on hunt to find 'Britain's horniest student'

Slice of toast

Yes please!

Led to: Recipe: Swedish Rosemary and Bean Soup with Västerbottensost Toast

I want to sell my virginity russia

I mean, we’d probably advise against this.

Led to: The girl who sold her virginity

Reasons to hate Michael

Poor Michael! If you need to Google the reasons why you hate him then really, you probably don’t have grounds to. Just sayin’.

Led to: 5 reasons why everyone hates Michael Gove

Sex with dead body

Eek!

Led to: Somewhere you'll never get back from...

Matt McConaughey respects women

It’s what we’ve heard.

Led to: Anne Hathaway speaks about exploring deep space with "unnatractive" Matthew McConaghey

Is the purge real

Oh, brilliant. Yes, of course a dystopian world where all laws are void and murder is passable for one night per year is a real thing. Where have you been living, under a rock?

Led to: I took part in a real life Purge on the streets of London - for fun

Consequences of lacking life skills

Early accidental death/very annoyed flatmates/a gloriously dirty bathroom.

Led to: Angry post-it notes and rumbling passive aggression.

Does isis actually belong to Hugh Bonneville?

There’s a whole WORLD of possible conspiracy theories at work here.

Led to: 24 things that are happening in Downton Abbey now that it's 1924

Sad wallpaper of harry

Prince? Styles? Rednapp? We’ll never know.

Led to: Sam Claflin on his bitter, angry Riot Club character: "I absolutely feel his heartache."

Ben 10 kissing video

Err, pardon...?

Led to: Youtube. Probably.

Jack was a hardworking student when young

We’re sure he was. Unfortunately, he lost his work ethic and became a meth addict. Probably.

Led to: Jack's identity remains a mystery.

Only tits

Disembodied or...?

Led to: We're not going to even type this into Google... NSFW.

Has anyone had sex at university

Nope, not that we’ve heard.

Led to: We have literally no idea.

The marshmallow lady

Horror mirage or fluffy children’s fiction character? The jury’s out...

Led to: Again, we failed to track this one down. And if we’re honest, we’re happy about it,

Chubby black girl

Glad we could help with this request. #equality

Led to: Google has given up on us...

Pokemon slut balls

We don’t understand.

Led to: 10 most inappropriate pieces of erotic fanfiction

Skinny jeans no sperm

It is a consequence, we’ve heard. Sorry hipsters.

Led to: Are you at risk of twisted testicle from your skinny jeans?

Fanny video

Straight to the point, this one.

Led to: Pussy Riot: The Russian Reaction

Skull face pope

Dan Brown – is that you?

Led to: New Band of the Day: Ghost B.C.

Garden of eatin

Good to see RE is being taken seriously in schools these days.

Led to: Nowhere that makes sense.

Drunk incest

Oops, that’s an awkward hangover.

Led to: Prison...?

Women being cooked

We are genuinely, unreservedly, full of fear.

Led to: See above.

What to do with teddy bear from your ex

Aww, sad. Erase it with a blowtorch?

Led to: 10 Things Not To Do On Valentine's Day

The size of mushrooms in a spag bol

Your spag bol mushrooms can be as large or as small as you want them to be, novice human chef. You just have to believe in yourself.

Led to: Recipe: Spaghetti Bolognese

 

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