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Top 10 Weirdest Kids TV Moments

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If there's one thing that YouTube has taught us here at TNS HQ, it's that children's television (particularly 1980s children's television) contains a whole new level of horror. And surrealism. And entirely misplaced perversion. Think Mark Twain on Satan, terrifying game show hosts and ostriches with false eyelashes and serious cleavage. 

1. Junior Christian Science Bible Lesson.

Really don’t know where to start with this one: terrifying puppets, singing terrifying songs, with terrifying people.

 

2. The Smiths on Charlie’s Bus

The rationale behind having The Smiths take part in a children’s TV show is entirely beyond me. A truly surreal moment of television history.

 

3. ‘The Adventures of Mark Twain’, meeting Satan

A veritable YouTube classic, this banned TV show sees two deformed, meant-to-be-children meet a cigar smoking, mask wearing satan who hates them because they are human. Ideal. 

 

 4. Don’t put it in your mouth

‘Ask someone you love before you put it in your mouth.’

 5. Rainbow Innuendo

In a similar get-your-head-out-of-the-gutter vein, here is a personal favourite of ours. ‘Don’t worry if you don’t have any balls to bang, maybe if you ask your friend you could bang their balls instead.’ We dare you not to laugh.

 

 6. Telechat

You do not need to understand French in order to appreciate how creepy this children’s TV show is. Hosted by a man-cat and a woman-ostrich. With boobs.

 

 7.       Say NO to Drugs, Say YES to Roller skating

The owner of a Nevada roller skating rink really played on parents’ protectiveness with this catchy ad that highlights the correlation between drugs and roller skating.

 

8.       Betty Boop on Drugs

Demonstrating that children’s television has been inappropriate since the very beginning, here is Betty Boop getting high on laughing gas and then singing about how much she loves her pen friend – the dirty little tease.

 

 9. Wiggles Puppets Acid Trip

Actual lyrics: can you point the fingers and do the twist. Lyrics as interpreted by YouTube viewer: I need porn, your fingers and eat a twix.

 

10.   Creepy Game Show Host Who Tries to Kiss Children

Still don’t quite understand how this was ever allowed to happen. Children’s television host gives his female contestants lessons in the art of flirting and dating. By far the creepiest of the bunch.

 

 

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