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Top 5 things not to expect in a guy

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There are many things you might expect from men. The below examples, though, are not amongst them. In these cases, medical assistance appears to be the only way forward.

Eel in a penis: Correct, if you are to find one of these inside a man, then there is something to worry over.  An unfortunate Chinese male was looking for an eel-bath treatment to make himself look younger, yet this therapy only left the 56-year-old with a slimy eel inside his genitals and some excruciating pain.

Milk bottle in bum: Out of pure frustration over his constipation, one bizarre man actually shoved a milk bottle into his bum to relieve the pain. How this was supposed to relieve pain in any shape or form is questionable, but it happened. According to the victim of his own pain, it was an unorthodox method to stimulate his bowel. Incidentally he was also Chinese.

Knife in face: Unless Derren Brown has magically fooled you, you should know if you have a knife inside your face. The Chinese casualty had been attacked whilst at work as a taxi driver, and repeatedly for four years has had a splitting headache and bled often from his ears and mouth. I wonder why.

 Surgical Scissors in stomach: This time we have moved to Nepal, and a surgical mishap and gone extremely wrong as after an operation, the patient had stomach cramps which never disappeared. After an X-ray it became evident to the doctors they had lost their scissors and the man had carried them around with him instead.  The second operation was successful and painless.

Remote Control in bum: The finale is back in China, after a remote control was lodged up the backside of a Chinese student after a drunken night out. Supposedly it was his ‘foul’ flatmates that wedged it up there. Great prank; think I prefer the cling-filmed toilet seat. 

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