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It’s one of those phrases that doesn’t really mean anything these days. Like, ‘I have nothing to wear’, or ‘I love you’. It just rings hollow. I’m talking about people that say ‘I love food’. Do you? Do you really? Do you nuzzle up to crumpets at night, swooning over their buttery aroma? Or relive the memories of the good old days you had with a bacon butty? Chances are you don’t (although we are in an age of experimentation). But I can assure you when I say it, I mean it. I used to be fat. F.A.T. Not the girly ‘Oh I’m soooo fat’ fat. I was actually huge, so huge that my thighs were often in separate postcodes. My idea of a bread and butter pudding was two loaves of Hovis and tub of Utterly Butterly.

I adored food. I would have had a relationship with plate of lasagne and garlic bread if it had been possible. Thinking about it, I probably would have been better off with the lasagne, than with my ex and our car-wreak of a relationship. Anyway, I did lose all my fat by just... not eating like a pig, and can now attract members of the opposite sex in clubs. It’s liberating. But however much weight I lost, my love for food remained and by gum, it’s still difficult not to go and devour everything in sight, like Ms Pac-man. So imagine the feeling of sweet, sweet joy I had when I stumbled across this site here. It encourages you to play with your food AND eat chocolate!

I was joyful. I was elated. That’s what food does to me. It even has a little video for your viewing pleasure.

 

 

I enjoyed that video. I was intrigued, so I led myself on my very own treasure hunt for experimental food. I came across many dastardly things, but none quite as dastardly as ‘PancakesandSausageonaStick. Apparently , ‘Now your favorite breakfast foods are even easier to eat. We wrapped a delicious sausage inside a sweet pancake, and put it on a stick to make it portable’. In all my years as a functioning, thinking human, the brainwave to wrap a pancake around a sausage and put it on a stick for consumption never happened. It’s hard enough to contemplate people eating this like a lollipop, let alone eating it for breakfast. Or eating it at all for that matter. Click around the site for other products, they are just as horrific. One box entitled ‘Ham Bowl’ markets itself as an alternative to cereal. Nice.

cmbinSpeaking of turning everyday things into odd creations, we have this site here, from artist Timm Schneider. He basically anthropomorphizes everyday outdoor items by sticking 3-D cartoon-like eyeballs on them.  How lovely it would be to have a toilet with eyes, to give the impression you are emptying yourself into its mouth.

Although everyday objects, with eyes on or not, will always come in handy when the Zombie Apocalypse comes. The annual ‘Zombie Safe House’ competition has just announced its winners, from the thousands (yes really) of entries that were received. Find the website, winners and entries here.

This is a serious competition in which budding architects have a go at building their own, original safe house that will keep those brain munching gits out and you safely in. I don’t know how you would go about outliving the living dead. I suppose you’d just die in this capsule of safety. So choose your colour scheme wisely, as you will be looking at that ‘feature wall’ for years.

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