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As I age, I realise the likelihood of me being a famous writer, novelist or baker (childhood dream of mine there) is rather slim. In life, there is always someone who is better than you. Never, ever forget that. That way, you won’t expect too much of yourself. You got a high mark for your essay? There’s someone who did better. You made a lasagne without setting fire to yourself? Well done - but Gordon Ramsay’s version will step all over your cheese encrusted pasta mess.

Anyway - my point is that upon realising my income probably won’t be made through writing, a proper job would have to be on the cards. And so that’s what I do. I work in retail and have done for the past four years, despite it chipping at my soul daily. There are so many jumpers to fold, so many customers to point to the toilets. One day I fear I will snap and bash my own head in with a steak tenderising mallet. Needless to say - I’m busy. And thus, an actual job in which I actually have to work, leads to me craving ‘time’. Time becomes precious. There is never enough of it. So I have learnt to appreciate time that I have to spare.

Activities that eat into my time become the enemy. Taking off make-up. Pitting olives. And shaving. Necessary - yes, because without a razor across my skin, I would be a bear. A small hairy bear. If I allowed bear-ness to escalate, people may want to pick me up and cuddle me, but that’s not how I roll. It’s the whole- finding a razor, finding shaving foam.. etc. It takes an age. Although this advert from France has given me an ingenious solution to the never-ending issue of absent shaving foam.

 

Yes, why not use Orangina to soften the sting of your blade? I don’t know why a Cheetah (or whatever) is shaving in the first place. I don’t know why Orangina is a good foam substitute and I don’t know when bestiality became legal. I also don’t know which advertising executive commissioned this advert, but I imagine he was not an executive after this was released.

As weird as that was it doesn’t quite continue along the ‘freaky’ line in the same way this next link does. This here will take you to an online shop for the weirdest looking ‘dolls’ I have ever seen. All misshapen and morbid there’s something creepy and cute about them at the same time. Although would I part with £200 of my hard earned dollar to buy something that looks so bloody depressed for my bookcase? Probably not.

Free art though, I can deal with. I never complain about looking at nice stuff for free. Ever. I found this site NewYorkShots which allows anyone (in New York) to participate in an art project that  has been taking off over the past few months .Several disposable cameras litter the parks in New York with a note attached for people to take photos on them for fun. The creators of the project anticipated a few photos but were amazed when the project really took off, especially when the public began to get creative. People even shared events such as weddings with the camera.

And last but not least- I give you another gorgeous arty link. I think I’m feeling cultural this week - perhaps that explains the sudden art influx. Anyway, here is a kinetic sculpture from artist U-Ram Choe. It is basically a dead dinosaur made of tin (well perhaps not quite tin) that ‘breathes’. But by gum there’s something so pretty about it I was moved. Deep down in my belly. Or perhaps that was just indigestion.

 

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