How to survive in London as a Northerner
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As stereotypical as it may be, it's a well known fact: Northerners don't - or shouldn't - like London. It's full of pollution and angry people, nobody speaks to each other, pints cost a fiver and a piece of your soul, and from personal experience there's just not. enough. gravy. I come from a place up t'North where I once had a good ten minute conversation in a Sainsbury's aisle with a stranger about tupperware, whereas in the South it seems pretty difficult to even crack a smile out of a kid in Hamleys. To be honest, frankly the worst and most heart wrenching sight I've seen recently in London is a Greggs and a Waitrose in the same vicinity. Greggs doesn't deserve this. Everything adds up to theoretically make London my idea of a living hell - so why do I secretly love it? Perhaps it's the slice of tranquility served up at Primrose Hill, or the way the city lights shine over the Thames in the evenings. The abundance of art galleries and independent start-ups, the diverse and multi-cultural population that make up the fabric of the city, or the tear-jerking yet heart warming Bowie memorial besides Brixton Market. Maybe it's how even though London is notorious for the lack of eye contact and friendly just-because conversation between its residents, there's a hugh sense of pride and community, especially in times where unity and togetherness is needed. Looking between the lines and dissecting the stereotypes, it's not all that bad. So, for the Northerner willing to try not to tear out their hair in the capital, here's some tips on where to go and what to do. Where to go for: Gravy CLEARLY this is the MOST important part, so it's going first. If you're a Southerner reading this article, did you know that we Northerners actually bathe in gravy? It also makes up 60% of our bloodstream. The first time I ever had a roast dinner in London it was at a pub in Bethnal Green, and without exaggeration, there was a teaspoon of gravy. Not only that, but they had poured this said teaspoon of gravy into the bowl-plate before putting any food on it. When I have gravy I want it to be poured over everything in mass amount the waves that Moses created, I don't want a paddling pool. However, my dreams came true when I visited Number 90 in Hackney Wick, who not only offered the most beautiful veggie roast I've ever tasted (sorry, mum) but gave us a boat of gravy and even said "if you'd like any more just let us know". It was honestly pornographic. Though a couple of points are deducted for serving wine in a tumbler with a straw.
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