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TNS TV Dump

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On a rare day off I filled up my mug with coffee and settled down for some daytime TV treats. Scouring the listings I realised I was spoilt for choice. Which piece of rubbish should I watch first? In the end I decided to give my undivided attention to an episode of Loose Women. By the end, I wish the mug had been filled with gin rather than Kenco and cream.

Loose WomenMid-morning bilge, this programme consists of four women, trussed up like turkey dinners with too much make-up and not enough brain cells. Although admittedly, the face paint is needed on a select few, mainly to hide those seven signs of ageing Olay always bang on about. Ridiculous face-wear aside, there is plenty to giggle at here.

The structure of the show is as follows, there is a segment of chat on the challenging subjects and issues that 'real' women face on daily basis. One example being, ‘How easy do you find it to do all the thinking for others?’ Then there’s the celebrity (I use the word loosely here) guest, that the hosts fawn over as they try to flog their latest album or whatever. Then a phone-in competition, end-of-the-pier- innuendo, inane banter and then the credits. Although quite why anyone would want to be credited for this is beyond me.

Okay, so it’s a froth fest full of terrible clichéd chat, and I realise that this is daytime television and therefore is never going to be too taxing on the old noggin. But the main source of my frustration here is that the panel seem to believe they are on Newsnight, discussing things that all women are genuinely worried about. Now, I don’t know about you but I couldn’t give two hoots about topics like ‘Would you be jealous if a friend lost weight?’ (the answer is no just in case you were holding your breath there).

This programme has the potential to be challenging and informative on current and topical issues.  What about discussing international affairs? How about a greater range of guests? Political activists, authors of little known books, inspirational explorers – people with real stories to tell. Not just some has-been soap star who has guffed out a book that they probably didn’t even write themselves.

My head is in pain by the end and I use caffeine to blot out the pain, (mainly because there is no wine in the house).  The thought of sitting through another ITV show hurts me mentally so a channel change is needed. What else can daytime listings offer? BBC give me several hours of car-boot sale excitement, followed by the news which is informative- but depressing and then Doctors, which is just plain depressing.

I’d technically still class the people on Doctors as out of work actors. A long running joke- the BBC insist on pumping out this sewage daily, so I turn my attention back to ITV.  And lo, what do we have? A thrilling rollercoaster ride of DIY programmes, followed by a repeat of Midsomer Murders. Now, I don’t mind them puking out repeats every now and then, but at least repeat something worth watching? How many residents are left in Midsomer anyway?  So, over to Channel 4 we leap. And oh do my eyes deceive me (they may, as I am basically classed as blind in my left eye) but I think this lovely film From Hell to Texas is from 1958. This is then followed by Deal or No Deal.

After all that I need a day back at work just to recover from how depressing daytime entertainment is....

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