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TV: What to watch this week

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If you watch just one thing this week make sure it's The Chaser on ITV at 5pm

Featuring everybody’s favourite cockney wide-boy Bradley Walsh (Danny Dyer, who?) this game-show is one for everyone. It seems many contestants are chosen merely for their ‘interesting’ personalities (and not intelligence), pitting their wits against the chaser, with Mark ‘The Beast’ Labbett and Anne Heggerty (woman who looks like, and has a name of, a cruel Harry Potter character), being two of my favourite chasers.

 A bit like Eggheads.

Only more ‘egg-on-your-face’.

Similarly brilliant has to be Outcasts BBC, Monday, 9pm

OutcastsWith nearly five million viewers, the Beeb’s new sci-fi hit bared its teeth to My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on C4 in the same slot on Tuesday. The eight-part series follows a group of pioneers who get the chance to start afresh and build a new life on a new planet (sounds tempting doesn’t it?). After all the media coverage, as expected tulle, extensions and ‘grabbing’ did come out on top.

Finally, we have to recommend Mad Dogs, Sky1, Thurs, 9pm

Reuniting Life on Mars super-team Rob Glennister and John Simm, this show does big things. Another glossy drama churned out by the Sky factory, it welcomes Hustle star Ben Chaplin and Hotel Babylon’s Max Beesley too. The show is a psychological thriller about a group of friends from sixth form who end up 20 years later trapped in a web of murder, crime and deceit, all set in a paradise location. Think Sexy Beast. Great escapism TV.

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Top Gear BBC2, Sunday, 8pm

Last week it was the turn of the Albanians to feel the wrath of Clarkson’s stereotyping, suggesting that the country is ridden with car theft, despite choosing to embrace the countries hospitality and film almost an entire episode there. First it was the Mexicans, ‘lazy, feckless, flatulent, overweight, leaning against a fence asleep looking at a cactus’, now the Albanians, who is next on Top Gear’s hit list?

The Vanessa Show C5, 11am 

A strange slot, for a strange show. Vanessa Feltz and partner Ben Ofoedu team up to present a mix of celebrities, gossip and problem solving, a sort-of mash-up of Jeremy Kyle, Alan Titchmarsh and Chris Evans (back in the day), which is a scary thought. Lining up a non-heavyweight show (excuse the pun) against Holly Willoughby and Phil ‘The silver fox’ Schofield at this time of the morning is always going to be fighting a losing battle. However, I am glad Ms Feltz has chosen daytime C5 to cast her opinions... because I’ll be in lectures.

Soap dish - All the goings on from telly soapland this week

Coronation Street: Poor Peter has been told of Leanne’s cheating ways by psycho-sister Tracey, and he decides to go on the warpath and get revenge on Leanne, and the man in question, Nick. As the couple renew their vows, with best man Nick by Peter’s side, he leads Leanne up the aisle, only to, in dramatic Coronation St style, announce the affair at the altar. Meanwhile, Sally continues to make Kevin jealous with her string of romantic liaisons, which he does his upmost to sabotage. We also meet Tina’s old friends Xin, who is set really stir things up on the cobbles

Eastenders: Heather is forced to take refuge in a freezing bedsit, and ends up fighting for her life when the boiler turns faulty, and this causes Shirley to suffer with guilt when she isn’t by Heathers side in her time of need. Also, Jack flings his fists about in the square when he confronts Michael about his alleged flirting with Ronnie, only for Jack to confront Ronnie over her lies, later in the week.

Emmerdale: The gorgeous Katie finally learns of Henshall’s dirty past, including his dead wife, only for the dodgy cop to take her hostage with a tense stand-off with the police. Rhona’s attempts to keep Marlon on the dating scene go unappreciated, as the gangly singleton gets frustrated with her attempts to meddle in his life. And ex-Emmerdale super-bitch Kelly (Adele Silva) returns to the village, much to the King’s and Nicola’s disgust.

Guess who? Our telly insider dishes the dirt (well, nearly!)

Which ridiculed actress has said she would love to have a romantic clinch with 70’s heartthrob David Essex, entering to Albert Square later this year?

Which soap star had a cat in real life named after her on-screen mother, but got rid of it after discovering ‘it was a bit feral’?

Which on-screen heartthrob is earning himself a reputation as a ladies’ man in real life, ditching a long-term girlfriend he met on set for another actress on the same show?

Which superstar has decided to ditch the chat-up lines, romantic approaches or anything subtle, and instead bluntly ask any women he likes the look off for a particular favour, and keeps asking until anyone obliges?

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