6 things you MUST know about dating at uni
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By Rex Wood, Author of Sexellennce
It’s the start of the new academic year, and with it comes droves of fresh-faced new students gearing up for partying and – let’s be honest – pulling.
But whether you’re looking for fun and excitement or something a little more meaningful in way of your extra-curriculum activities, all new students can benefit from a little guidance.
Luckily, ‘sexpert’and author of dating guide Sexcellence: The Sex Spreadsheet, Rex Wood, is on hand to share his top do’s and don’ts to ensure your uni life goes with a bang.
1. 1. Be confident
This might seem like common sense, but it’s not always easy to exude confidence, especially in unfamiliar territory such as your new students’ union or halls of residence.
However, when it comes to attraction, it is the key to success. People place way too much emphasis on appearance, but what good is looking great if you’re too shy or nervous to hold a conversation? Confidence draws people towards you so try to cultivate this attitude – it will serve you just as well when you enter the world of work.
This won’t happen overnight. You need to keep throwing yourself into conversations with new people to build confidence, but you have nothing to lose. Sure, you’ll make mistakes along the way - but you’ll soon learn how to interact effectively. Don’t, however, go too far as arrogance and self-delusion are certainly not appealing qualities.
2. 2. Choose comedy over cheese
Let’s face it, traditional chat-up lines rarely work. Asking someone to “grab their coat” or comparing their eyes to the stars is almost guaranteed way to fail. You’ll either get laughed at, ridiculed or might even sound a bit creepy.
Humour, however, plays a vital role in winning someone over. Try to make them laugh as early as possible. Gentle self-deprecation is a good tactic, as long as you exude confidence in general. People tend to let their guard down and connect when they feel at ease.
But keep jokes subtle, appropriate and use sparingly. It’s one thing to make someone smile -it’s another to appear “wacky”.
3. 3. Pay attention
Another massively underrated – and shamefully underused – pulling technique is taking the time to listen to what someone has to say. A conversation isn’t a one-way street.
Paying close attention to someone and being fully engaged, even if the topic isn’t something that particularly interests you, shows decency and respect for others. Everyone wants to think they are interesting, and will like those who pay them due attention. This might not seem that important when you’re on a night out, but it will pay dividends in the long run.
4. 4. Be patient
This point can’t be stressed enough. Never expect sex on the first night, and stay relaxed. One of the biggest turn-offs is meeting someone who is only after one thing. It will be much more difficult to develop any kind of relationship if they feel in any way uncomfortable or degraded.
Even if you do have a one-track mind, don’t show it. It just adds unnecessary pressure and makes you look desperate and lacking in self-respect, which will almost certainly ruin your chances.
5. 5. Don’t rush into a relationship
Most new students know very few people when they start university, which can make it tempting to want to the security of a long-term partner.
While there’s nothing wrong with forming a committed relationship, it often comes at the expense of other opportunities and friendships.
It’s important to balance your time and give yourself a month or two to get to know your new surroundings. There are so many things to enjoy you could miss out on if you’re tied down early on.
On a related note, try and avoid getting intimate with housemates. It might seem a good idea given your shared connections, but if the relationship turns sour then it could lead to some awkward situations down the road.
6. 6. Practice safe sex
Another point that should be obvious but can never be stressed enough. Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) spread like wildfire across universities – that’s before we even think about the potential impact of an unplanned pregnancy!
Most universities offer sexual-awareness programmes of some description, which offer sensible advice and free contraceptives. Take advantage of these services.
The last thing you want is to have your reputation – or even your entire degree course – ruined by a lack of self-control or preparation. This should be the first thing you think about before leaving the house for a night out or a date. There really is no excuse.
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Sexcellence: The Sex Spreadsheet by Rex Wood is out now, priced £7.99 in Kindle edition and £10.80 in paperback. For more information go to www.sexcellence.poplify.com