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TV Dump: I'm not saying you're an idiot if you like Made In Chelsea, but....


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We’ve all got a growing love for entertainment in which nothing happens, and nothing happens more often in one glittering enclave of our steaming capital than anywhere else.

Made In ChelseaHow else do you explain several series, the creator of ‘celebrities’, and spin-offs based on people that, if the education system could afford it, would still be sat in a remedial class trying to spell the word apple?

If I wanted emotionless drones with a limited vocabulary I’d stick with the Cybermen in Doctor Who - at least they drum up some excitement by occasionally trying take over the world.

The ‘cast’ of Made In Chelsea only seem to take over ‘exclusive’ clubs for the rich but genetically talented few, who wear clothes and only worry about which one of the ever closing circle has nibbled on another person’s bits that week.

The best I can do to describe what I hear when the Chelsea people are in conversation is show you this video:

This is what I hear, sprouting from their expressionless faces.

I’d like to believe that the characterisation of these “people” is an exaggeration, but then that would lay waste to the entire premise of a genre that revels in its ‘reality’.

If Mark-Francis Vandelli is ‘real’ I might have to reconsider my stance on believing in God, because only a sick and twisted creator could make something like that, it would be seriously unfair to nature to blame it for that person. All though, he could have a use as a propaganda piece to start a class war against wealth and privilege.

Before you all shout “oh, lighter up Mr. Boring” I do understand the purpose of ‘entertainment’ as escapism but this offers an escape so complete that your brain actually shuts down, there is nothing to care about, no engagement, no plot – NOTHING! You’re being thrown into a twat-induced coma – and let’s face it, comas aren’t considered a barrel of laughs.

Of course it does have some good music on it, and the high-production values make it look bloody lovely, but it is just covering the steaming pile of dung in sparkly wrapping paper and pretending it is a present.

But it is obvious that I am in the minority, millions watch it each week and fall in love with this bunch of insufferable cretins – so maybe I am completely wrong!

It turns out you can polish a turd and pass it off as a diamond after-all. Who’d have thought!

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