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Guilt-tripped dating - a moment of weakness?


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As you grow older you inevitably learn more about the person that you have the potential to be. I now question whether I have a personality that is susceptible to guilt-trip dating.

I live by the philosophy that dating is about laws of attraction and that I am too young to settle. So, if you are going to be romantically associated to anyone make sure that he’s your Ryan Gosling or A.$.A.P. Rocky or Jessy Williams or… the list goes on.

When I was at school I wondered whether my adolescent looks would ever improve. I got to sixth form and wondered if Gael García-Bernal would ever pick up my calls. Whilst at university I have looked back on my teenage years that were filled with personal dilemmas and insecurity and now I am back to questioning myself.

So, I fear that I may still be the sort to be manipulated into dating or going on a date with someone I have little to no interest in. This nearly happened when a guy bought me jewellery and chocolate within a week of meeting him. I fully appreciate that a man’s attempt to woo a lady in this way is incredibly nice, romantic and gentlemanly, and I am in no way putting down someone’s traditional courtship. In fact, I find it amazingly refreshing to find a man willing and confident enough to do this. The problem is with me. To succumb to the thoughts of “but he’s such a good guy…” and “…well I guess I could just give it a go” would be doing him a favour, and that’s not fair on either parties involved.  There are various ways of being guilt-tripped, either the classic gift-receiving technique, the convenient-timing method and the friends-wanting-something-more situation. My personal favourite is I’ll-give-you-my-number-if-you-leave-me-alone in a club.

I imagine myself constantly questioning why I’d agreed to a “sympathy date”, jumping with fear at any indication of intimate body language. Even after a confused date, there is still the issue of whether I continue with this dating game. When I realise that things must come to an end it’s only more difficult to do so later when we know each other better.

So the question I posed to girlfriends was, can and should anyone be convinced of going on a date with someone they have no attraction to? This may be down to someone’s inability to be honest, or weakness, or kindness. As a friend said, being guilt-tripped into dating someone, as in a relationship, can easily occur. The person in question could be perfect on paper, but just not right for you. So ask yourself: is he your Mr Gosling? If he isn’t then maybe you should just be honest, decline the proposition, and then wait until Ryan calls you back. 

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