Is everyone having sex? Starting uni as a virgin
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So, everyone in the entire world is having sex. Amazing, mind-blowing, knee-quivering, extremely erotic and highly charged sex. Celebrities on camera, scarily flawless teenagers on 90210, your friends, enemies, acquaintances, hell, even your dog is getting some and all he has to do is go for a walk in the park. Everyone is having sex 17 times a night, every night, with array of beautiful and impeccably toned members of the opposite sex, and then they’re ALL talking about it. Except you. You’re not having sex. You’ve never had sex, and in the depths of your mind, where you try not to look too often, there is a lingering fear that you never will. Stop this right now. If you’re worrying about being the last virgin on campus you should stop seeing it as something ‘other’ – because it’s not. In fact, it’s entirely normal and healthy. Let us throw a few stats your way in order to persuade you that this might, actually, be true. Various sex surveys put the number of student virgins between 11% and 15% (we’d conjecture that this is a conservative estimate because, hey, people lie.) So, if you break it down, that means that if you meet 10 friends in freshers’ week one or two of them are almost certainly virgins. Especially because 31% of students admit that they’re not actually having sex at all. The most popular age for popping the proverbial cherry is 18, with 21% of students claiming that this is when they first had sex. Maybe this coincides with the start of university, or maybe not. Maybe it’s your age; maybe it isn’t. 15% of students lost their virginities when they were older than 19. 39% have had one sexual partner whilst at university; 23% have only had one sexual partner ever. So, we’ve established that it doesn’t make you different. But possibly you’re still worrying about when the time will come. This, too, is utterly normal. Here are a few questions you might be asking yourself. Should I lie about it? The first question asked by most virgins. When you make new friends, be prepared to talk about it. Not that you should uncomfortably blurt it out over a mid-morning cuppa, but you get the idea – the subject of sex will come up, and it probably won’t take long. Maybe the people you meet are in long term relationships, or into casual sex, or are virgins too – a university campus is a mixed bag. Ask questions, but keep them general and don’t ask intimate or personal things unless the other person brings it up first. Talking about it will open your eyes to new experiences, and if you’re unsure about how your virgin status makes you feel this is the best way to get some clarity. How do I say no to sex? If you’re not sure whether you want to have sex, you probably don’t. It can be hard to vocalise the word no, but it’s absolutely the best way to end the questioning there and then. Whether you’re in a club or drunk with a friend or in a relationship but just aren’t ready, declining firmly should be the first step. In all cases, this should be enough. If it isn’t, walk away – whether it’s to the other side of the bar or out of their life completely. People might try to take advantage. Do not have sex if you don’t absolutely want to.
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