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Top ten most annoying things people do in the theatre...

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Now, I’m no snob - but there are still some etiquettes I think people should abide by. Most of these etiquettes exist in the theatre. The theatre has become an accessible and wonderful place for everyone and this is brilliant - however there are still some severe pet peeves that really grind my gears.

So here are the top ten most annoying things people do in the theatre:

10. Getting drunk…

Ok, granted, this is a rarity but when it happens it really isn’t great. Theatres generally have a bar and the majority of audience members will have a drink or two; but really it’s not quite the environment to be getting drunk. No one’s going to want chants of ‘Lads, lads, lads’ or be sat next to someone hiccupping has they try to keep their pre-show gin and tonics down. Go to a pub.

9. Giving some ridiculous PDAs…

Once again, there is a time and a place and that time and place is not the theatre. You’re in love, how nice – but I’m here to watch people pretend to be in love, not see you two snog in front of my face. Move.

8. Taking up way too much room…

Sit on your seat like a normal person. Don’t stretch your arms out, cross your legs or do any other weird crap. And under no circumstances take up both armrests. One each. Theatre seats are small; you stay in your seat and I’ll stay in mine.

7. Sitting in your seat…

Why can’t you just read your ticket? Need I explain to you that you’re on the row behind me or that you’re not even in the right area of the theatre. Ask an usher, check beforehand or just read your flippin’ ticket! This is the theatre, not the crystal maze; it’s not hard to navigate.

6. Leaving to go to the toilet…

How small is your bladder that it cannot handle an hour and a half until either the end of the show or the interval? Go before you come in, go in the interval… I’m not sure there’s much else to say on the matter.

5. Coming in late…

Again… READ YOUR TICKET. You know when the show starts, be on time I don’t want to see you crouch down as your shadow crosses the stage or worse, have to get out of my seat so you can get to yours.

4. Ringing phones…

The reason this isn’t higher on the list is because it’s now such a rarity but it’s still bloody ridiculous that this happens. Turn it off, or if that pains you – put it on airplane mode. If your phone rings, hang up, don’t pick the phone up. It’s rude to the audience and the actors. Sort yourself out.

3. Lit up phones…

This is increasingly more common; texting, checking the time, reading an email… I don’t care what it is; turning your light on is an atmosphere killer. Distracting, irritating. See above and turn. it. off.

2. Talking…

Don’t do it. The actors are talking, that’s what’s important. I don’t want to hear about what you had for dinner or what you think of the plot so far. Shush.

1. Eating…

In at number one it is eating. May seem trivial but it’s not the fact that people insist on eating its how they eat. Not only do some people seem to think it logical to bring an entire meal with them to the theatre; they chomp and rustle like there is no tomorrow. If eating is top of your agenda, get a plastic cup, pour your sweets into it and suck on them. No chewing, no rustling, everybody wins.

 

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